la vie en rose.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then decided that I didn't feel good about taking either one--that, when I really thought about it, what I wanted was something different out of life. So I sat down where I was and scratched around in the dirt a while to sort things out, turning down an offer from Teach for America. Twice. And canceling my law school applications. Leaving to Nauvoo not knowing what I was doing with my life and coming home still not knowing. Then I picked myself up, brushed myself off, and tromped through the woods in pursuit of a road that was only dimly lit on the horizon.

At the end of this rainy Tuesday, 2 November 2009, I find myself at the end of another awesome day in Paris. And I can't believe I'm here.

I still wonder what I am doing. What was I thinking? What AM I thinking? I still believe not going to law school was the smartest dumbest thing I have ever done, but I would have loved to contribute to Teach for America--it just didn't feel right. So running away to Paris was the RIGHT thing? As ridiculous as that sounds, yes. YES.

I admit that I may be wrong. That maybe I am putting off life, chasing pipe dreams. After all, no matter how well I justify going to acting school in Paris, it is still acting school in Paris. And I can understand what it looks like from the outside looking in. Some have described it as "crazy", "spontaneous", "reckless abandon", or as one friend put it tonight over dinner, "so you're just doing this for fun now, right?"

No. I want to make a career out of acting. There. I've said it. Film and theatre. I am passionate about people's stories, and about my stories, and I love learning how to communicate those stories, and what can be learned from them, through the arts.

I am not completely naive however, and I recognize that I may need to have a more stable plan B if I am going to feed a family. Thanks to Florent, I know that I would also love to be a Professor. But first I need some training. So I am doing my best to acquire a set of skills while also getting an unique perspective, international experience, and intensive language work at the same time.

Yes, I may be wrong. I may have been fooled by my own self-indulgence and wanderlust. But things have worked out miraculously (stay tuned for more info on my ideal apartment situation and a part time job starting on Thursday), and I would be an ingrate not to attribute it to Divine Providence. Whether that means I am following God's will or He is simply saving me from my own stupidity (or a mix of both), I can't say. But at the end of this beautiful, rainy autumn day, I am moved to believe that I am just where I should be. And I love it.